


Sleepwalking

by BananasFoster1



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes (Downey films), Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Character Study, Idiots in Love, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, John Watson Thinks Sherlock Holmes is Dead, M/M, Married Mary Morstan/John Watson, Mutual Pining, Pining John, Pining Sherlock, Post-Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 07:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13699467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananasFoster1/pseuds/BananasFoster1
Summary: Watson thought that Holmes' affection for him was like sleepwalking. And while he always considered it to be more dangerous to wake up a dreaming sleepwalker than just letting them be, he never took into account the risk of falling asleep himself.





	Sleepwalking

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all. Here is the next piece I'm moving over from my FF account.
> 
> I love Sherlock Holmes. I love the books, the television show and so many of the movies. This story is a stylized take on John's point of view of their relationship. Really the only reason I consider this a Historical AU is because the only reason John didn't act on his feelings was because he thought he couldn't due to social norms. Other than that and maybe the more exaggerated way I wrote this there's really nothing that suggests it's from a specific period.
> 
> Now tell me, is it really possible to have a historical AU of the Sherlock TV series? Or would that just be considered to be in universe of the Downey films or original books? Sherlock fandom lines get sort of hazy but I suppose if I had to choose one this story follows the line of the second Downey film the best. That being said, I didn't have to choose just one so I was bad and chose all of them because really I think that this could be taken as an AU of almost any of the Sherlock iterations.

It's common knowledge not to wake a sleepwalker when he is dreaming, just let him dream and maybe follow along to make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble along the way. 

But what if the sleepwalker is having a nightmare and it's all your fault? Then what? Do you simply keep on doing the same thing, follow along, make sure he is safe. Do you wake him up? Or do you do what I did and just leave because you can't bare the thought of watching his imminent fall from grace. 

Maybe I should have woken him up the first moment I realized. 

At the time I thought what was the harm in letting him dream but now I see that my actions have caused more pain and sorrow for the both of us than I ever considered possible. 

For I began to sleepwalk with him. 

For a time there we were, sleepwalking together, completely oblivious to the peril we put ourselves in, blind to the outside world. For us there was only our cases and dreams. However, I was woken up before those dreams could become a reality. But as I began to wake and force myself into the new morning Holmes was still sleepwalking, dreaming away, oblivious to how I was soon to make his dreams a nightmare.

Yes, I should have put an end to it the moment I realized he loved me. 

But instead I just let it be, thought that there was no harm in letting him fantasize, letting him hope. I thought I'd do more harm by acknowledging the situation aloud. So I let him go, just like a sleepwalker. I followed along on his cases and as I said I became a sleepwalker too, without even realizing it I fell in love too. 

The difference was that I woke up from my sleep, I woke up and realized that these feelings we held would have to stay just that, a dream. Still I said nothing to him, not when I woke up and not when I began to pull away from him and towards someone else. I couldn't keep living like this, in a fantasy world of dreams and adventures. I pushed myself into reality and into Mary’s arms. 

And just like that I also pushed his dreams into nightmares. Yet despite everything I was still drawn into sleepwalking, into my own dreams of a different world where dreams could be reality and reality could be nothing but a distant memory. 

It wasn't fair to think of Mary that way, she was a good woman but she wasn’t him. Though, all in all I should have realized that I had no choice in the matter because just as fate chooses the path of reality she also chooses the path that our dreams take. 

I finalized my reality with a ring and a vow but then Holmes came to me with one last adventure, one last dream. I tried to say no, knowing that each moment of our dream I let myself have would just hurt him more when it was time for me to wake up again. But in the end I was given no choice, by him and by myself. I could never say no to him. And once more we began to sleepwalk together again. This time however we were both in a nightmare. With Professor Moriarty as our metaphorical Boogeyman. 

Maybe if I had woken him up the first time I realized he loved me he wouldn't have sleepwalked straight over the edge and into the abyss. He did it to protect me when all I had done was cause him nightmares… 

I like to think that now I can move on, that I can make reality my only existence but in my heart I know that's preposterous, because now I will always be the sleepwalker, dreaming of a time before Holmes and I were complicated by love and false hope. But now I do not know whether it is the guilt that keeps me dreaming or our ill-fated love. I just know that dreams are the only place left that I can experience true happiness because he is now only ever in my dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hoped you enjoyed! Please leave kudos & comments. Until next time.


End file.
